May is a month of transition. Nature is in motion: flowers bloom, temperatures rise, and the energy of spring subtly shifts toward the slower rhythms of summer. As a yoga teacher and life coach, I see this as the perfect invitation to explore a powerful (but often uncomfortable) concept: adaptability.
Adaptability doesn’t mean giving up. It means loosening your grip just enough to move with life instead of resisting it. It’s about flowing instead of forcing. And when you can do that, you open yourself up to more ease, energy, and even joy.
The Cost of Control
Let’s be honest. Most of us spend a huge amount of energy trying to control things we can’t actually control. Maybe it’s a partner’s behavior, a work outcome, or even the way our day unfolds. But how much of your precious life force is being drained by trying to make things happen a certain way?
When we grip too tightly, we close off the very flow we’re craving. Instead of peace, we create tension. Instead of clarity, we spin in confusion. Instead of connection, we build walls.
A Personal Lesson in Letting Go
Recently, I found myself in a season of major change: the studio I’d been teaching at closed unexpectedly. I had to pivot quickly, adapt my schedule, and start fresh in a new space. Add to that a new puppy (hello chaos!) and my son wrapping up his senior year of high school. There are a lot of emotions, a lot of moving parts, and a lot of moments where I could have easily spiraled into control mode.
But instead, I practiced what I preached: I softened. I breathed. I reminded myself, “This is temporary. You can adapt.”
And I did. One day, one decision, one breath at a time.
Control Is a Fear Response
Why do we try so hard to control? Because control gives us a false sense of safety. If we can just manage every detail, maybe we won’t be judged. Maybe we won’t get hurt. Maybe we’ll feel more secure.
But control is one of the lowest vibrational energies. It keeps us stuck in fear. It disconnects us from trust, from creativity, from the natural rhythm of life.
Instead of control, we can choose intention. We can choose presence.
What You Can Control
The truth is, there are plenty of things you can control. And focusing on these can help you feel more grounded:
- When you choose to wake up and go to sleep
- What you eat
- How you move your body
- How you speak to yourself
- The energy of your home (especially if you live alone)
- Your breath
These daily choices are empowering. They remind us that we are not powerless — we’re just misdirecting our power when we try to control others or outcomes.
Shift from Control to Expression
One of the most helpful mindset shifts? Stop controlling. Start expressing.
Instead of saying, “No one helps clean the kitchen,” try: “I would love it if everyone could pitch in.”
Instead of barking orders or shutting down, express your desire and combine it with gratitude. You might be surprised how people respond when they feel inspired instead of criticized.
Find the Fear Behind the Control
When you notice yourself grasping or micromanaging, pause and ask: What am I afraid of here?
Are you afraid of failure? Of judgment? Of being left out or left behind?
Fear is often hidden underneath control. Once we see it, we can meet it with compassion and tools:
- Breathwork
- Walking or shaking off the energy
- Mantras like: “I am worthy and safe just as I am”
- Questioning the thought: Is this actually true? Or is it fear talking?
- Looking for evidence where letting go did work out for you in the past so you can bring that to mind later for support.
The Practice of Aparigraha (Non-Attachment)
In yogic philosophy, there’s a concept called Aparigraha — the practice of non-attachment. In her book The Yamas & Niyamas, Deborah Adele writes: “What we hold, begins to hold us.” Letting go of outcomes, clinging, and expectations frees us to experience the beauty of what is.
When my old studio shut down, and the new one was delayed in opening, I was forced to let go of my vision of how things “should” unfold. But that space gave me the chance to teach more yoga, connect with new students, and grow my own capacity to adapt.
Adaptability Starts Small
Letting go doesn’t have to mean a dramatic life change. Start small:
- Let someone else make the dinner decision
- Pause before reacting to a situation
- Skip the plan and do something spontaneous
These micro-moments give your brain evidence that it’s safe to let go. That you can trust. That life keeps moving forward, even if you’re not the one steering every detail.
Intimacy, Control, and Letting Go
Let’s be real: the hardest place to release control is in our closest relationships. Why? Because they matter the most. And we’re terrified of being hurt.
But intimacy and control are opposites. When we try to control our partner, our kids, or our friends, we push them away. If you struggle to release control with a loved one, ask yourself:
- What am I afraid will happen if I let go?
- What’s the best possible outcome?
- What’s the worst — and could I handle it?
And when in doubt: practice silence over control. Step back. Be loving. Tend to yourself instead of managing them. Often, this shift in energy is enough to change the dynamic.
Let the Practice Be the Bridge
Yoga is more than poses. It’s a practice of presence. A tool for self-awareness. A pathway to peace. When we step on the mat, we’re not just stretching — we’re softening the grip. We’re learning to breathe in discomfort. We’re training ourselves to flow, not force.
If you want to explore this more deeply, check out this guided meditation I created to help you adapt, soften, and shape-shift with life’s unfolding. Let it be a space where you remember: you are not stuck. You are evolving.
Final Thoughts
Life will keep changing. That’s not the problem. The problem is when we try to hold on so tightly that we miss the beauty of becoming.
This month, ask yourself:
- Where am I wasting energy trying to force something?
- What could shift if I softened instead?
- How can I use my yoga practice as a bridge to ease?
Let go. Flow forward. And trust that life is guiding you exactly where you need to go.
Much love & health,
Carrie
